I Wonder Why
by Runawynd
Summary: For any Jin fangirls, put yourself in these first-person shoes. Imagine you come to the island a bit earlier than expected... Back when Jin had his rumored girlfriend.


_This is first-person. For any Jin fangirls out there, feel free to put yourself in these shoes. Think of this as an interactive experience!_

* * *

I came to this new island much earlier than expected. Things seemed to work out that way, I suppose. Arrangements were made, and I soon found myself being brought to a new world, or so it seemed.

In reality, I would take on the role of a different person; a farmer. I would make my own living, meet new people, get used to a different town, and just be wholly enveloped in a new location. To me, it was really exciting, actually.

But this story isn't completely about me, is it? More or less, it's a story of trying to figure out a certain man that I met on this new home of mine.

Jin, the doctor of the island. By that, I mean Jin's the only doctor of that island, and he always manages to keep himself busy.

But after a mere few weeks of living there, I realized that perhaps my stay was a fated one. Because I found myself falling in love with him. After all, he is very smart, handsome, polite, honest, mature, graceful, easy to talk to… How could I resist falling for such a perfect man?

It seemed that he remained in my thoughts constantly. He was a sort of obsession, I guess. He seemed part of my daily life, even if I didn't get to see him that day, because I was always thinking of him.

Though there was a catch; he had a girlfriend. He was smart and talented, but often sickly. And she was very beautiful, especially when I would inadvertently compare myself with her.

Surely my beloved Jin deserved much better than what I had to offer? Though, I am an amazing, confident person, I began to doubt our relationship ever blooming.

At least, I didn't know he had a girlfriend until the day I was crushed. It started off as a casual morning routine, though that day seemed special. I brought him his favorite gift, a potted pontata root. Although there was no occasion, I decorated it with ribbon and paint, wanting to always give him my best.

I greeted Irene, whom I became fast friends with earlier on. We spoke a little, before I told her about going to deliver this gift to Jin.

Then I left to the back room to find Jin. Only I found him treating his sick girlfriend with kisses.

I lost my sense of touch, and the potted plant fell to the ground, shattering all over the tiled ground. I bolted before either of them noticed, or so I had hoped.

Jin was worried, but I think Irene was even more so. She understood. Understood how I felt about her grandson, and she understood how hurt I was.

She found me in my house, hiding underneath my blankets. I didn't know what else to do, so I hid in my house. A very childish reaction, I suppose.

After crying in Irene's arms for a while, I began to feel suddenly horrible about not helping to clean the mess I left in the back room. Odd, the random things you think.

A few days after that incident, I began to feel sick myself. And so I stayed indoors for a while, only leaving when taking care of my crops and animals.

Surprisingly, Jin came to my door. Though I don't know why I was surprised; he is, after all, the only doctor on the island.

He informed me that Irene had told him to visit me. I imagine she knew one way or another about my sickness, because Jin had asked me all sorts of health-related questions as soon as he entered.

I had a fever and a bit of a cold, but all-in-all, my health felt fine. I was too embarrassed and shy to tell him what my case really was. Therefore, I reassured him that I would be okay and that I would figure things out sooner or later.

"Irene's very worried about you. You haven't stopped by the clinic in a while."

"Yes, of course. I miss seein' her, too." I spoke honestly. Irene was, indeed, one of my best friends I had made since moving there.

Jin continued, "But you know, I miss you coming to see me. I always looked forward to your visits."

After giving me a bit of medicine, while would later be added to my tab to Irene, he stopped at the doorway to continue, "Please take care of yourself and come back soon."

Then he left, leaving me breathless. Those words he left with me gave me such hope. And like the fool that I am, I wished upon that hope for things that could never be.

Weeks later, I returned back to health. But his girlfriend's condition only worsened, and within a few days, she was dead.

Of all the things I remember about her death, I remember seeing how destroyed my doctor was.

While he was crying near her deathbed, I did the hardest thing for me to do in that moment; I approached him. I offered him a hug, whispering, "I'm sorry." But he only gently pushed me off. I knew better than to persist, so I prepared to leave him.

But he stopped me, "W-wait. Will you come… to the funeral?"

Taking a breath, I softly said, "Of course. I'll talk to Irene about it."

I spoke briefly to Irene before leaving the clinic.

I had seen that girlfriend of his as an obstacle. Perhaps I was selfish for thinking so. I never really knew her that well, because she always intimidated me.

But seeing the one that I loved broken only killed me further as well. If I still felt empathy towards that someone else, how could my feelings be considered selfish?

I joined him at her funeral and stood next to him most of the time. He only stared off in space, and he made no reaction when I reached out to hold his hand.

Many of the other residents all left by the time Irene came to pick up Jin. Immediately, he clung to her, weeping in her arms. He bitterly vowed, "I'm never going to fall in love again! These feelings are wasteful and worthless, and I won't do it again!"

He vowed over and over, leaving me to listen over and over.

Irene's reaction surprised not only him, but me, too. She lightly scolded him, prying his face to look in her eyes, "If you never fall in love again, I would be very sad. I won't stand to see you alone."

"But I know she w-was the one!" He argued back.

"Perhaps not." Irene looked at me while she spoke those hopeful words.

I wonder why.


End file.
